Random Thoughts From Marybeth

Damn Skippy

I first read this a couple of days ago but have been too busy waiting on sick kids to do much blogging.

From Avalanche Company: 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army

7. Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

10. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on Government time.

18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous 'Barbie Girl Dance' while on duty.

29. The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.

That's what they want you to think!

38. Our supply Sgt is 'Sgt Watkins' not 'Sugar Daddy'.

43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."

79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.

But we know who is.

84. Must not use military vehicles to ‘Squish' things.

87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

That's some advice that I plan on passing on to my children.

95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.

How about ones who work for Reuters?

141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove ‘The Pen is Mightier than the sword’.

175. We do not 'charge into battle, naked, like the Celts'.

189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.

200. My chain of command is not interested in why I 'just happen' to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.

207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)

Read the whole list.

Posted by marybeth at March 26, 2004 08:05 AM Amusing